Shatranj ke Khilari (The Chess Players)

Based on Munshi Premchand's story of the same name this masterpiece from Satyajit Ray brilliantly depicts accession of the kingdom of Awadh by East India Company. Premise of the story is comparison of the accession to a game of chess. A game of chess is a war where troops are deployed, strategies are laid out but no lives are lost and no blood is shed. And so was the accession.

The movie goes beyond just a description of historical turn of events and shows the bafflement of the British with Indian ruling class. General Outram who has to oversee the annexation is ignorant of India and is venomously contemptuous of its culture and practices. He is amazed at debauchery of ruler of Awadh who dances with "bells in his feet like a nautch girl", "also dresses up like a Hindoo god" and has 400 concubines. And yet despite being so engrossed in worldly pleasures still is a pious man who prays five times a day. Patronage of singers, artists and performers and even indulgence of the rulers in these activities used to be a source of bemusement for East India Company officers for a long time.

General Outram's distaste and disinterest of Urdu poetry is not matched by Captain Weston (who else can play a indophile British with impeccable accent better than Tom Alter) whose mere presence dilutes the polarity of two cultures. The character shows not all Britishers were disdainful of Indian ways. It is a pity that despite Alter's histrionic skills and command in Hindi as well as Urdu he got the evil foreigner roles in numerous Indian movies.

The story is quite sympathetic towards Nawab Wajid Ali Shah, so sensitively portrayed by Amjad Khan that you can't believe he is the same guy who played the hideous dacoit Gabbar Singh in Sholay. On one hand he loves worldly things, songs, dances [a beautiful thumri choreographed by Shree Birju Maharaj], flies kites and yet he is a god fearing pious man. He acknowledges his shortcomings as a ruler yet is resentful of the British for dethroning him and having to give his crown to a mere General of East India Company. Despite his flaws he is loved by the masses and British know this so a violent takeover is out of question and here lies the key of the story, this is the point which makes annexation similar to a game of chess.

The movie juxtaposes the power play of aristocrats with life of two nabobs, portrayed by Saeed Jaffrey and Sanjeev Kumar, who are avid players of chess. The noblemen get so engrossed in their game of chess that they forget responsibilities, neglect their households and even start playing chess near their lawyer's death bed in the pretense of visiting him!The two have inherited their wealth and status by inheritance due to bravery of their ancestors. Though they boast of courage yet they escape to a nearby village for a game of chess towards the end when rumors of annexation are rife.

The intricacies of the game of chess also highlight cultural differences between Indian subcontinent and the British. Any chess enthusiast from South Asian subcontinent would (should) know there are vernacular versions of the game in terms of placement and movement of chess pieces. The queen in formal, international (and British here) version is called a Vazir (minister to the ruler) in Indian version. This fact is highlighted at the end after the British armies march peacefully to take over Awadth one of the nabobs claim that the time of Vazir is gone and now its time for the queen to rule. And the ultimate difference between the two ways? Well the English way is faster, which is a take on rapid industrialization brought by British.

Other noticeable performances are from Shabana Azmi as wife of Mirza Sajjad Ali (Sanjeev Kumar) and Victor Bannerjee as the Prime Minister of Wajid Ali Shah. Victor Bannerjee doesn't has a long screen presence but he just captures the moments without even speaking, notice his expressions during the thumri and you will get something ugly is going to come.

Art direction gives really transports you to the that era and Musical score though is used so well throughout yet stands brilliantly at some places like when the two Mirza play chess in lawyer's house or at the starting.

Some of my favourite moments:

The starting scene has two nabobs playing chess and there is a black background but the beauty of this comes to the fore when Mirza Sajjad Ali's servant emerges from the darkness for hukka refill thats when role of the background comes into play, depicting how there is nothing other than chess in their universe. The same technique is used for Wajid Ali Shah's introduction too.

The use of animation and Amitabh Bachchan's narration in his rich baritone sets the mood and places the story in right context which shows narrative capabilities of Satyajit Ray.

Such is the madness of the chess players that when Sajjad Ali's wife steals the chess pieces they use vegetables in place of the pieces!

Wajid Ali Shah resigning to his fate by reciting 'Jab chhod chale Lakhnou nagari...'

Here are some of Wajid Ali Shah's words:

सदमा ना पहुंचे कोई मेरे जिस्म-ऐ-ज़ार पर
अहिस्ता फूल डालना मेरी मजार पर

हर चंद ख़ाक में था मगर ता फलक गया
धोखा है आसमान का मेरे गुबार पर

Wound not my bleeding body,
Throw flowers gently on my grave,
Though mingled with the earth,
I rose up to the skies,
People mistook my rising dust for the heavens

Genius and Intuition

Following is an article I had written for Petals, a portal for self expression at my first job

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Intuition though quite an inexplicable phenomenon yet attracts attention from scientists, mystics and laymen alike. I will take intuitions in the context of geniuses with specific reference to Ramanujam as portrayed in a biography aptly named "The Man who knew Infinity".

The book attempts to take a holistic view of Ramanujam's life, his early years, dominant yet caring mother, his leaning, place in which he lived, the soil on which he walked on. It attempts to describe an oriental mystic and genius meeting the renowned eccentric mathematician Thomas Hardy. This is a recurring theme and comes up in subtle ways, clearly chalking out a line between east and west.

Second aspect of the book is the chasm in which the book is written. This chasm is the view of phenomenon of intuition as seen by the Orient and the Occident. The divide overshadows any other perspective of events described in the book.

Where did Ramanujam's magical intuition come from? Was his work a fluke (though a string of flukes, if this is true)? Was it because of his religious beliefs as he used to claim? We are not answering these questions, for the questions and asking of these questions is what matters to us here.

In his prolific book "The Argumentative Indian" written by Nobel laureate Prof. Amartya Sen also discusses this aspect in a different manner and slightly different context. Prof. Sen takes example of Indian mathematician namely Aryabhatta and Varahmihira. Their work and source of inspirations in some or the other ways were always likened with their religious beliefs. The point is not whether their religion beliefs made an impact or not. The point which he puts forth is why this question is asked only in cases of oriental thinkers.

In Ramanujam's case, the interest in mystic gets accentuated because he himself told appearances of goddess Namagiri, who informs him all the solutions which became humongous feats in mathematical intellect. He had a deep interest in astrology – not as an amateur, nor a practitioner, but as a serious pursuit which is evident in the prediction of his early death made by himself.

Ramanujam was a strange dichotomous character for the west. A religious, mystic genius in mathematics who worked on intuition rather than rationale, his works were flights of fancy. Flashes of intuitions, boisterous mathematical claims without a proof at hand were commonplace with him. Though many of his claims finally proved to be wrong, the ones that were right, proved to be prolific.

His life also gave a picture of colonized India, where a genius of his stature had no formal education to make him eligible for research work. His brilliance was scoffed off in his own land and would be recognized truly, albeit with apprehension in west.

मानोगे नहीं ...

भौतिकी (physics) एक ऐसा विषय है जो हमे हमेशा से भाता रहा है | क्या आपने शाखा से गिरे सेब से विज्ञानं की नयी शाखा निकलते देखी है?! भौतिकी के दाहिने हाथ के खेल का किस्सा तो हम सुना चुके हैं, और हिंदी भाषा वाला भी | यह किस्सा कुछ और है | बात है CBSE board के इम्तिहान की जिसका कुरुक्षेत्र शहर से थोडा दूर था तो हम सब छात्र एक ही बस में जाते और आते थे | कुछ हम थे जो समीकरणों (equations) और सूत्रों (formulas) में सर फुडाते रह गए और कुछ वो थे जिन्होंने भौतिकी को भगवान् से मिला डाला ! नहीं नहीं हम श्रीमान भूरे (dan brown) के सहपाठी नहीं रहे | da vinci छोडिये ये तो angel, demon के बाप तक पहुँच गए |

इन महानुभाव का एक जुमला हुआ करता था "भाई .... तुम मानोगे नहीं ....." (अरे बंधू जब तुम्हे पता है की हम नहीं मानने वाले हैं तो बता काहे रहे हो! खैर ये बात तो किसी और मुद्दे की है...) | तो भौतिकी की परीक्षा ख़तम हुई और छात्रों का काफिला सवालों और उनके जवाबों में उलझा, मध्हम कदमों से आगे बढ ही रहा था की किसी ने उन महानुभाव से पूछ ही लिया "यार कैसी हुई तुम्हारी परीक्षा" बस फिर क्या था उन्होंने वह महान शब्द कह डाले "की आज तो यदि ब्रम्हा जी भी नीचे उतर के बोल दे की बेटा तुम पास हो गए हो तो में कहूँगा..... आप झूठ बोल रहे हैं"!

(अपने ही बनाए माटी के पुतले के इतने अटूट विश्वास को परमपिता ब्रम्हा भी कैसे झुठला सकते थे तो ....)

हिंदी कक्षा के व्यंगात्मक वाक़ये

तो मुद्दा ये है की हमारी पाठशाला में शिक्षकों को रचनात्मकता और नवाचार भाता न था | बात है हिंदी परीक्षा की जिसमे प्रश्न आते थे वही घिसे पिटे स्त्रीलिंग से पुल्लिंग और विपरीत | तो एक महानुभाव को जब भगवान का लिंग बदलना था (तिरस्कारी और असंभव काम है जानता हूँ) तो महाशय का जवाब रहा मादा भगवान | शिक्षिका ने उस छात्र को महात्मा के खिताब से तो नवाजा पर अंक न दिए |

दूसरा वाक़या भी हिंदी कक्षा का ही है, दूसरे किस्म के घिसे पिटे सवाल आते थे दिए गए एक शब्द पे वाक्य बनाने के | अब कई ऐसे क्लिष्ट शब्द आते थे की बच्चों के हाथों से तोते उड़ जाते | मसलन एक शब्द आया विहंगम | अब विहंगम किस चिडिया का नाम है इसकी तो आधे से ज्यादा लोगों को हवा भी न थी | फिर क्या लोगों का रचनात्मकता दिमाग चल गया | एक राम बाण वाक्य निकाला गया जो सब दुःख दूर कर दे | भाई किसी भी संज्ञा का लिंग बदलने के लिए वह संज्ञा नर है की मादा इतना तो पता ही होना चाहिए पर ऐसी कोई भी बाधा इस राम बाण वाक्य में न थी | और वह महान वाक्य था "विहंगम एक अच्छा शब्द है" | कुछ छात्र तो यहाँ तक न रुके उन्होंने सवाल को ही जवाब बना डाला और स्याह अक्षरों में लिखा "शिक्षिका ने विहंगम पे वाक्य लिखने को कहा" | इस वाक्य ने तो शिक्षिका को अवाक कर दिया | अब इस बात को झुठलाया तो नहीं जा सकता की शिक्षिका ने वाक्य लिखने को कहा है, ये तो अटूट सत्य है और इस वाक्य में आवश्यक शब्द भी है तो वह शिष्य को पुरस्कार में भारत की खोज शून्य तो भेंट दे नहीं सकी हाँ कक्षा में निवेदन जरूर किया की ऐसे वाक्य लिखिए जिनसे शब्द का अर्थ उभर के आये और मन मसोस कर आधे अंक दिए|

Socially Relevant Songs

Now that Indian National Congress has endorsed the song Jai Ho, we are truly recognizing movie songs as potent devices for engaging public. Hindi movie songs offer such a vast expanse than mere entertainment. The lyrics some times transgress mere personal feeling of love between two individuals and appeal to higher goals. Here are some suggestions of Hindi cinema songs which can be endorsed (@legal eagles, can I get a patent or royalty if some one actually starts using them?)

The first one is a no bummer. Indian Aviation Industry can definitely borrow from Subhash Ghai's latest megalomania: "Aaja main hawaon main utha ke le chaloon tu hi to meri dost hai". Though they have other options like "Aaj main oopar, aasmaan neeche" but Ghai's classic wins hands down.

With all due respect if Shree Bachchan ji's social campaigns (not the UP me jurmkam hai types) are not drawing in the crowds then use this Sunny Paji song for eye donation: "Tere chehre pe apni nazar chhod jaunga"


Whats the link between Jumping Jack Jeetu and a one lakh car. No prizes for this. Nano main sapna, Sapna main Sajna, Sajna pe dil aa gaya.
What better way to woo your paramour than buy her/him a Nano! The surreal and dreamy song sequence is an apt sample for Freudian analysis of an entire cinematic decade. I implore readers to watch the entire clip to see Jeetu and Sree getting high on pot.

Our dear, healthy Health Minister, Ramadoss can definitely use Shahid Baba and Balan aunty's healthy song recommending papaya for people with blood pressure issues. High BP, khaye papita (or so it sounded to me) and he is not stoned enough Shahid baba is going to take you higher on a papaya diet!

A-New Mallik meets Rapidex English Speaking course. With rising economy our musical genius should rise to the occasion and educate the masses in the truly global, queen's language. Append each Hindi line with its translation and Voila!

dekho barish ho rahi hai -> its raining, its raining, its raining
mera dil ro raha hai -> my heart is paining, its painting, its paining



Yours truly Govinda, the hero of your average cinema going Richshaw-walla educates people about traffic manners: Maine paidal se ja raha thha, une cycle se aa rahi thee. Chi chi and Lolo chose various modes of transportation to address a vast range of people - pedestrian, cycle, moto, auto hell even an airplane The brilliant piece of infotainment can replace the illustrated books used as teaching material for kids to learn various modes of transport.




It has been rumored that a television channel which provides content related to popular science is in talks with Farhan Akhtar for the environmentally conscious song listing various kinds of snakes and enumerate their physiological characteristics: Zehreeley Zehreeley, kale, peele, neele. After all daddy dear made the classic Madhuri Dixit numeracy song!

The Kurious Kase of Missing Kalashnikov

Well examinations can do strange things to stranger people. Gates for the blitzkrieg were about to be opened and people were in a mugging frenzy. Amidst the chaos some innovative people find newer ways to screw other people's head. Our protagonist, lets call him S was a firm believer in the adage - "When rape is inevitable lay down and enjoy". Not only did he believe in it but wanted others to experience the statutory offense too.

With the subterfuge of revision S saw a worthy pursuit, egrossed in text book, and posed a seemingly innocent question. "Have you seen the Kalashnikov Theorem?". The choice of the fake name of theorem itself tells volumes about S. The hunt, lets name him G gave a bewildered expression which changed to that of a deer caught in front of headlight when S gave him a random page number and moved on casually. G could not believe after all the lecture notes, hours of going through every nook and crany of book he did not even know THE kalashnikov theorem. He metaphorically kicked himself in the nuts but when he could not locate Kalashnikov theorem or even the scent of it, G caught hold of S and started asking him where the heck is Kalashnikov theorem in the book. At least S can tell him what was the theorem about.

S gave a guffaw and told him it was a lie, he was just messing with G but he was up for a twist in the tale. G went furious, taking that to be some game plan on S's part to avoid G getting that weird theorem which can turn the table in G's favor. If only he could know the Kalashnikov. S was still laughing but G entered in a state of denial like a Hindi Cinema character actor who is still in disbelief that his/her object of love is dead. "Ye nahi ho sakta, keh do ki ye ek jhooth hai, ek bhadda mazaak." (Expletives and blasphemies edited out, this is a family oriented blog). G was literally roughing up S like Hindi Film police inspector to divulge the whereabouts of Kalashnikov. "Tera to baap bhi batayega ki Kalashnikov kahaan chhupa rakha hai". Much to his dismay G's dismay he could not extract the confession in time and he went to exam one theorem less but still wondering when exactly was S messing with him.

As for the moral of the story, if you get one do put it up in the comments. We had a nice laugh after this. If you ask him, G would not even remember the incident. As for the exam, I do not remember anything about it except there was no question related Kalashnikov theorem.

Jai Ho!

Time: Diwali Night, 2008
Location: A student house in Zurich
Occassion: Diwali Pooja

So a bunch of desis, mostly techies studying in Zurich (sounds paradoxical right) gathered for a pooja. Now engineers with there last minute resourcefulness had not arranged for an idol of deities to perform rituals. Quick came the fix, a laptop was fetched, Google image search gave an appropriate pic to worship and even the Aarti was found on youtube. The pious students had their mind set on Goddess of wealth (with new found fervor from recent recession) and the Lord of Obstacles (much needed because of the impending, imminent exams). Eyes closed and palms folded in devotion (and job opportunity at the back of mind) but who remembers the lyrics (its the feelings that counts ain't they and a little bit of melody) were trying to sync up with one other and the youtube Aarti.

The deviant mind chooses worst of the moments to deviate. A realization dawned on me, what if the building's caretaker who knows nothing about Indian culture at all suddenly pops in the hall curios because of chanting sound. He would surely connect the dots and realize, "Now that's why these Indian buggers are so good in Information Technology, they worship laptops!"

Ye kya ho raha hai

I was caught in a "Ye kya ho raha hai beta duryodhan" moment. Yes the Hindi mythological cinematic equivalent of WTF (you have to watche Jane bhi do yaro umpteenth time to understand that). Off and on I used to check sitemeter statistics of my blog and get amused by weird search keywords people use and how one or the other of my blog posts come up as search result for unrelated keywords. No stellar or spectacular feat but amusing yes. Some posts on Hindi cinema lyrics, Rakhi Savant (interestingly savant means a scholar).

What compelled me to write this post was a yahoo search from a Pakistani ISP and the keywords were peshab ki pic (Pictures of Urine). My post which comes as the 4th (and 5th also!) result is actually a rant about Orkut and only last two of the three keywords match with the post content and comments.

Even if I consider imperfections of search engine algorithms and factor in that some people get blog hits out of retro sleaze, what I can not fathom is what compelled the person to search for photographs of urine on internet!

* Does it (the searcher) wants to check if its color of pee is normal?
* Or it has never urinated in its life and wants to know how it looks
* Some strange fetish (I do not want to venture in this line of thought)

So here I end my post and I plea yahoo people to redirect such freaks somewhere else

Pro Crass tination

Heavy snow beating down the city, awake at 0200 hrs, inevitable barrage of examinations (that word makes me imagine being under a microscope) of the author and he still finds reasons to procrastinate studies time and again. Few things you realize during exams:

* The den needs cleaning
* Garbage needs to be thrown out
* You need a nice pen even before you flip the first page so off you go to buy a nice one
* Can not work without a coffee

And now the blog.

Living near and moving around a wide variety of international students I have came across many non-Indian people with a healthy curiosity in India (rare are the chronic cases of Indophilia). Exchange of cultural exchanges ensues after acquiring acquaintance over different dinner or visit to a friend's place. Some cliched and stereotypical topics always come up:

* Hindi Cinema (referred to the derogatory name: Bollywood)
- The heroine has to change 17 dresses in a song sequence
- Couple get teleported to and from Switzerland instantaneously
- Couple break into song n dance at the drop of the hat

Now to this I do not have any answer, this is an existential question. How the hell can a fish tell a well frog why is sea water salty hence I can not explain why Amitabh Bachchan used to kill the villain after eating all his bullets.

* Indian Food
- spicy
- the better ones might know : chicken tikka masala, naan, biryani
- weird non vegetarians : pork, beef, fish, eggs (theoretically 2 raised to the power of 4 = 16 combinations)

* Kamasutra
- No they do not teach Kamasutra at school there would be a riot if it were to happen
- No every Indian is not an expert in it
- AFAIK it is not a manual to achieve the big O (frankly told to a couple who gave a knowing smile to each other)

* Gods
- Yea there is a plethora of Gods in India
- They dance, play, romance, fight, take human form and what not
- I know it is complex, probably you can do a master thesis on the list, for now take Brahma, Vishnu, Mahesh that will do

But what threw me off was one guy asked me about the mammilla (word changed for obvious reasons) song. Half baffled and half embarrassed I asked him to show it on youtube. I expected some sleazy rendition of a popular song or a bawdry parody but it turned out to be Sushmita Sen's Dilbar Dilbar song which got Buffalaxed to mammilla song. The poor soul all the while thought text presented in the video to be English translation of actual lyrics. I had a hard time conveying him the actual meaning amidst uncontrollable laughter. India and Indians are indeed queer, quirky but we are yet to reach that state of what should I call, I am out of words, perversion, insanity, masochism?

After having a hearty laugh I recollected the real great time I had with my friend Hari who introduced me to the funniest of all Indian Buffalaxed songs: Benny Lava quite a while ago.

Aag Jalni Chaahiye

आग जलनी चाहिए

- दुष्यंत कुमार


हो गई है पीर पर्वत सी, पिघलनी चाहिए,
इस हिमालय से कोई गंगा निकलनी चाहिए .

आज यह दीवार परदों की तरह हिलने लगी,
शर्त लेकिन थी की यह बुनियाद हिलनी चाहिए.

हर गली में, हर शहर में, हर नगर, हर गाँव में,
हाथ लहराते हुए हर लाश चलनी चाहिए .

सिर्फ़ हंगामा खड़ा करना मेरा मकसद नहीं ,
सारी कोशिश है की यह सूरत बदलनी चाहिए .

मेरे सीने में नहीं, तो तेरे सीने में सही
हो कहीं भी आग, लेकिन आग जलनी चाहिए.

Broken News: Obama became Prez

Readers are requested not to ask why I wrote this, to spare the horror let me explain and increase the post length. Every respectable blogger worth his bits and bytes has to blog about Obama and US Presidential race and try in vain to write something new. Since I do not have anything new to say, so let me just post.

(Readers are also request to comment worthless comments)

WordPlay

1984: The Big Brother is watching you
















2007: Did any watch Big Brother?

(not the TV series)

Welcome to Sajjanpur

In the world of crappy movies with double entendre and slap stick humor comes a breezy delight by the master craftsman Shyam Benegal. The ease at which he embeds the social message without messing with the story is awesome. Take for example when Kamla Kumharin informs Mahadev of her father's superstitious belief about getting epilepsy fits because of going to school you can clearly see the message but there is no protagonist here who metaphorically comes out of the screen and raises an important issue for other actors as well as audience to answer. To exemplify we have numerous examples of heroes giving lectures on kanoon, insaaf, samaaj, police etc, in court, in a crowd, police station where the movie veers from a narrative, a story towards a Charkha Dutt types one sided debate. The characters and there world strictly remain inside the screen in a world of there own. (I have this grouse with many of the movies that I liked e.g. RDB, Munnabhai series and ). To me it seems like breaking the fourth wall in a figurative way of speaking which has been used quite often in Hindi cinema. Other plagues like caste based politics, arm twisting of the law and goonda raj are also shown in a not so heavy manner.

The moment you feel there is nothing new happening in the world, the director zooms you out of the frame and you find you where embedded in a narrative. The comedy is subtle there is no Rajpal Yadav or Johnny Lever for you, though Johnny has a class of his own, a hackneyed one though. All the actors did awesome acting, at no time did I feel I was watching a petite Amrita Rao or Shreyas Talpade, it was Kamla Kumharin's and Mahadev's world I was peeking in to.

The protagonists are themselves not the innocent villagers - mehnati kisan, godhooli ki vela, ganv ki gori such stereotypes are kept out at bay . The shade of greys in Mahadev's characters are awesome, Kamla's role needed more dimensions as most of her role was reactive putting the onus on Shreyas.

The character and story of eunuch Munni is hilarious, bawdry yet grounded in reality and leaves an indelible mark on audiences mind. It is her/his/her/his quips at embarrassed Mahadev that steals the scenes. Do watch it with your friends and family :)

In Munni's own words: "Tikke ne khoob kiya, chaukke ne khoob kiya are panje ne khoob kiya, ki ayi ab munni ki baari"

Vichitra Kintu Satya (Strange but True)

Couple of desis waiting for a bus, talking boisterously in chaste Hindi in the heart of Switzerland, Zürich, late night and not even owl screeching to let you know there are other living beings. Zap comes a black, open roof sedan with a glistening head and old melodious Hindi movie song blaring out of his cell phone.

Hmm, looks an ofay, not a desi I thought. Must have listened to some songs by an Indian/South Asian friend and might have liked the melody but why the heck is has he stopped in the middle of the road on a deserted street, playing the music for strange desis on a bus stop!

"You might be liking the new, modern stuff" and he switched "O jane jaana" song by Atif and suddenly everyone participated in a half shocked, reserved, baffled, amused yet maintaining the distance.

"Old is gold" comes the cliched response from a desi and pat came the reply "But gold never goes old" and he zoomed past us. And all I could say was - Vichitra Kintu Satya (Strange but True)

Dil - The Mighty Heart

A careful observation and the secret for usage of the culinary reference 'Masala' to Indian Hindi cinema will unravel in front of your eyes like Mallicka Sherawat's dance sequence. The movie in question is archetype of 80s-90s Hindi cinema. DIL


"Ek chatak matak heroine le, usme jawani ka tadka laga de. Hero ka stud max hona zaroori hai. 2-4 tadakte bhadakte girl vs. boy college songs. Ab in dono ko pyar ke tel main garam hone ke liye dheemi aanch pe daal de. Jaise hi jawani, diwani, rawani halka laal rang pakad le, do dushman bapon ka tadka laga de. Aur haan isme side kicks, mimickry artist aur ugly ducklings swadanusar (according to taste) daal sakte hain. Tadka jor marte hi oopar se haalaat ki mirchi aur misunderstanding ka zeera chhidak de aur apki masala movie tayyar. Ek cheepad se theatre main serve kare aur dosto ya parivar ke saath enjwaayi kare"

The movie had all the essential elements of a 80s-90s hit. College boys with white 'campus' shoes. Girls in frilly frocks with puffed shouldered, boring harrowed professors teaching Ohm's law in big lecture theaters and yay Disco Dancing. The fathers (many a times pink with rage Saeed Jaffrey), never agreed with their siblings choice of soulmate and the leading couple had to rebel, that was until SRK wooed the entire family in DDLJ.

The depth in lyrics is hard to ignore. I am sure Raja (Amir) was studying biology by the way he described Madhu (Madhur Dickshit): khamba, patakhe ki ladi, shola, fuljhadi. He even delved in bioelectrical properties by giving Madhu's voltage characteristics! Watch for the moves in the song for a full body exercise with special emphasis for pot bellied uncles and aunties. Why go to VLCC and these health spas. Plug in Dil and move from six pack flabs to six pack abs.



Long before health tabloids discussed links between sleep disorder and heart problems our desi hero had described in beautiful verses (video link):

I don't get sleep, I don't get sleep, I don't get sleep

Someone go, find it and bring it
I don't know where my heart got lost
What my condition is, how can I tell you
Tossing and turning, I pass the night

Ask me, ask what my condition is
My condition is weak
No one can understand what ailment is affecting me
Someone go, find it and bring it

Oh heavens, what pain I have
The pain is very merciless
Sometimes it makes me laugh, sometimes it makes me cry

I don't get sleep, I don't get sleep, I don't get sleep
I don't get rest, I don't get rest, I don't get rest

Other highlights of the movie (for sake of brevity in bullets):

• Definition of rape given by AK to MD. Something in which Indra delved in 'Ishq'
  
• Tribute to Dev Anand by Kishore Anand Bhanushali. This was his debut movie. Read this too
  
• Holding on to one's samskara. After winning a bout of boxing match against Ajitesh Irani. According to bet, AK had to kiss MD. After a tense moment, he shrugs her and say:

"Bachpan main mujhe sikhaya gaya thha ki airi gairi cheezon ko moonh nahi lagate!"

Random Trivia:

Ajitesh (Shakti the boxer in Dil) played her son on screen in Beta. His full name is Ajitesh Kumar Irani. Aruna and Indra Kumar are siblings.

Babloo mukherjee is son of Hindi cinema's best drunkard ever, the surname says it all: Keshto Mukherjee. And no Sushmita Mukherjee (Kitty, from TeleSerial Karamchand) is not KM's daughter

Another junior artiste, a college friend of Amir, appeared in KrackJack ad with Boman Irani as Krack and Jack.

Indra Kumar has a penchant of keeping one word movie names: Dhamaal, Masti, Mann, Ishq, Raja, Beta except for one 'Pyare Mohan'

(You might ask why the blog title: Dil - The Mighty Heart? Read Aam (the Common)

Let there be traffic lights

Vijay Sharma did it so should we, that is create a new God. Voltaire talked of necessity to invent God we Indians went ahead and created one using cinema. Jai Santoshi Ma might be the only instance in world cinema where a deity with new mythological stories was created and had such a popular following complete with rituals, rites etc.

Please do not mistake this post to be a proposal for 'Gulshan Kumar presents' movie or bhajan album with Anuradha Podwal . What I am looking for is to create a new God with newer powers. They say prehistoric man in awe of forces of nature used to find 'God' or a supreme being or power in phenomenon like rain, flood, lightening. Anthropomorphic forms came quite later to be followed by contract/faith based religion.

Coming exactly to the point I want to propose a new God (or Goddess to save me from woman empowerment devis) centered in the city of Banggalore (Bengaluru). He would be the God of Traffic - यातायातेश्वर (yaataayaateshwar) benevolence of without which no mortal can reach his destination by road! Yaataayaateshwar is a distant cousin of Yama, the God of Death. Yama incarnates as the mighty Yamaha (Oops was a secret code in another of Robert Langdon's adventure?) . He is also related to God of Time, the exact nature of which is known only to few scholars and researchers of Bangalore traffic vs time warps.

The guardian angles descend upon Earth in form of auto rickshaw drivers who plug themselves in every possible gap to ensure his wish is fulfilled. Unbeknown to them bike riders start riding on pavements because of his will. Traffic cops are the neo-Brahmins meditating at the nearest nukkad or pan shop discussing his divine providence amongst themselves away from the heathen unruly crowds. All that it takes is a few bucks for his blessings for drunken driving or driving without helmet, it is homage to him not a crime, those silly government babus what do they know. They call those green offering bribes!

Forget sava rupaye ka prasad or a trip to a shrine for this is an urban God who has no mercy for the meek. Rev up your engine and let your horns bark spouting paeans for him. Riders of Big or small vehicles, motor bike, car, scooty or even a 'mo-ped' do not bother, go ahead and sweat it out what are these governments to implement silly rules. If your faith in him is strong if your conviction is true then you shall prevail any skirmish or a battle when some non-believer tries to block your path all because of those three silly colored bulbs which are mere obstacles to test your faith.

So come on one and all and pay heed to the mighty यातायातेश्वर (yaataayaateshwar) and as Jim Morrison sang

Your hands upon the wheel.
Yeah, were going to the roadhouse,
Gonna have a real good-time.

Yeah, the back of the roadhouse,
Theyve got some bungalows.
Yeah, the back of the roadhouse,
Theyve got some bungalows.

They dance for the people
Who like to go down slow.

Let it roll, baby, roll.
Let it roll, baby, roll.
Let it roll, baby, roll.
Let it roll, all night long.

Trivia

Q: What is common between Vladimir Nobokov and Shakti Kapoor?
A: Auuuuu Lolita!

Ankush - A movie review

The distinguishing feature of the movie is neither brutal rape nor gruesome murders not even discourse given by four protagonists in court room but slow degeneration of a generation, bit by bit. Potential criminals are not made in accidental moments of hunger (read Rajesh Khanna's Roti) or personal revenge (read Agnipath) or concoction of the above (read Deewar) but are byproducts of alienation, unemployment, low societal status working on young psyche bit by bit.

The slow degradation starts when the credits end, showing rivalry over 'Ganesh Visarjan', a popular festival in Maharashtra. Their identity to external world is rooted in their own 'mohalla' (__wadhi ke launde). The gang fights and subsequent victories do not pull them in 'Alice in Gangsterland' myth of RGV (those have their own place) but the four loafers still remain in veranda of an empty house where street and home, shadow and sunlight abut. A symbol of being neither in safe, secure, comfortable zone of a house nor anonymous, isolated and mean streets. Each of their families or the absence of it shows lack of support but a spineless elder brother, old age spent mother, elder sister who uses illicit means for income are more of literal readings.

In terms of protagonist's development they did not become smuggler/criminal of international repute such as V.D. Chauhan in Agnipath. A common element in such mainstream movies of social discourse is transgression. Transgression from rural/town to metro runs parallel with ascendanc of protagonist. (Agnipath, Deewar, Namakhalaal, Muqaddar ka Siqandar. Wrongs to Kalia where done in Bombay but he was still a 'bhaiyya' unaccustomed to Bombay ways). Protagonists of Ankush lie within the social laboratory of Bombay mohallas/chawls (locality) in petri dish of the mohalla.

The difference between these four and gangster 'Sublaya' and shades of criminality elicit their decadence: saving a girl from eave teasing, hired hands to vacate an illegal tenant, gang rivalry skirmishes to picking up fight in frustrated state of mind to murder.

Another important aspect was protagonist repent illegal means not for ill mother (read Deewar) or confused parentage (read Parvarish) but outcome of their own violent means. They never get steeped into gutter of criminal world and their is no glorification of violence. In essence the tussle between evils of society are not directly mapped to personal revenge and question of what path should be taken is left unanswered just when audience where convinced taking law in one's own hand is the way to go(unlike Rang De Basanti).

Defining moment for me was when Shashi's (Madan Jain) brother distances him, Shashi finds relief in the fact that last barrier of family's respect is removed and his tussle between two worlds of employed middle class salaried men and criminal do-as-you-please is removed for he had been a trishanku all the while.

The role of social worker Manda and her grand mom and their discourses remain aloof from over utilized words of love, peace and non violence and are based on 'Shradhha' or trust (please correct me if I am wrong) which need not be about being religious. The debates are terse and clearly avoid hyperbole, action sequences are no novelty just that they do not carry AK47s or pistols always, some of them are quite long drawn. Music does not interfere with the narrative and in fact the prayer adds a lot to what movie tries to convey.

For a first movie N. Chandran showed a lot of maturity which unfortunately he could sustain only till Tezab which carries the same subtext as Ankush.

[Observation] SRK the gal stealer

It has been observed that Shah Rukh Khan's oeuvre has been taking another man's girl:

Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa: This is one of the cutest and heart felt movie I have seen coming out of SRK's stable, the rest are dud studs. Two boys fighting for ek aanaa (Are bhai mere paas ao chaar aana le lo). Though he tried hard SRK lost her to get Juhi Chawla at then end. Now we know more was yet to come.

Baazigar: 'Haar ke jeetne wale ko bazigar kehte hain' despite desperate measures from Sushant Ray [Inspector Karan] he could not have Kajol, neither did SRK but who cares about Sushant Ray.

Darr: Now this was hell of a creepy movie made by SRK and I am sure he could never out do himself, how could he with deep into all the chocolate romance and KJo . SRK gave new lease to crank callers and parents dreaded naming their girl child : K k K k iran. (Was this the start of K fantasy for KJo).

Anjaam: SRK vs MD. This was indeed a unique movie devoid of cloying romance, butterflies-in-her-eyes heroine. Madhuri was not some one's gal but what the hell SRK went for her and did not get her.

DDLJ: Simran was going to marry Kuljeet [Parmeet Sethi] no wonder heartbroken he went for Archana Puran Singh

Yes Boss: Bubbly Juhi Chawla was going for Sidharth Chaudhry [Aditya Puns-Choli]. SRK was even pataofying her for his boss but...

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai: Now this time he took a long shot and took Sallu's gal yes Kajol right in the wedding ceremony and Sallu was more than happy to give her. Sallu a bird in hand is better than 2 in the bush they say. Or 'hath ko aya moonh na lagaya' as Crime Master Gogo [SuckThee Kapoor] said in Andaaz Apna Apna

DevDas [pronounced as Dev The Ass]: This was a movie where he lost the gal, went for her and then died at her doorstep. This indeed an out lier where he did not get the lady and still the movie was a hit

Chalte Chalte: In true SRK style he just walked away with Rani from Sameer [Jas Arora]. He proved he can get his gal back even when she left him post marriage

Kal Ho Na Ho: Though he himself did not take a gal away but SRK found his protégé in Saif giving him all the tricks for 'chhe din, ladki in'.

Paheli:SRK here was taking well his own girl! The ghost SRK took human SRK's gal. People who stayed alive till the end please let me know who got her?

Chak De: Well there was no other guy's girl for him but who cares he had his plate full

Om Shanti Om: Now ShantiPriya was even married to horse-on-dope-look-alike Arjun Ram-Pal [i.e. friends of uncastrated adult male sheep] but eventually got her in afterlife. Little known fact is that Sandhya [a.k.a Sandi] was my gal before she went away to Mumbai for that darned audition :( so that makes a double whammy.

Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna [a.k.a. Kabhi Alvida Na Dekhna]: Love triangle? square? Forget all that try making the most complex polygon out of 4 points! Ever tried, I am sure you will get KANK. Well as with Paheli I could not finish the movie, some please let me know did SRK and Baby-AB got to swap their better halves?

I might have left few, readers are requested to add to the observation originating from my dear friend and room mate Asheesh Kumar.

Trivia: Does any one remember Yeh Lamhe Judaai Je (2004) between SRK and Raveena Tandon? Found this baffling entry in IMDB while doing 'research' for the post.

Summary:
90s saw the tectonic shift in guys n gals running away from house which was Amir Khan's forte [QSQT, Dil, Dil Hai ki Manta Nahi]. The rate drastically dropped after SRK's entry and soon it became fashionable even for straight-out-of-crib actors like Jimmy SherGill to come prancing in a wedding and take away the gal with family's consent. And stories did not end when hero and heroine fall in love / get married.

Jodha Yuckbar

Now I am all ears and eyes for a historic retelling of yonder age epics if done in a good 'taste'. Mr. Gowarikar's movie paints Mr. Jalaal in modern color. That too is acceptable but to make him a caricature of liberal, democratic, peace loving, metro sexual, secular, benevolent king straight out of Nandan kids magazine stretches the point a little too far.

I would accept that too but then to go on and make a drab story written as if a school boy has to fill pages in a subjective exam where need of the hour is to give at least 12 points in answer to a six marks questions. "How Akbar met Jodha and how he deflowered her" is one line summary of this epic. You might need it in your next board exams so take notes bummer.

It is like Gobhi Manchurian served in Bangalore's eateries. The only similarity recipe has with anything remotely Chinese is a certain Gobi desert somewhere northwards. Mr. Gowarikar uses clichés to pepper this tasteless Moghlai dish:

* Husband's Health?: Go pray in front of gawd and wait for the song to end and wait for divine providence to shine through beautiful window. But wait, where are the clanging bells? And lashing rains? Sure you could have some lightning too. Atleast she could have banged her forehead at the mandir-ki-chaukhat if you could have allowed her

* Babe acting pricey?: Show some brawns with a sword to turn her on. Still no luck. Invite her for a sword fight [ahem, ahem], let things get a little sultry and ..... oh the maid interrupted (Jalaal's thought bubble: "ménage à trois? [winky] [winky] no sen-sooar board will not be able to digest this, forget it will take her some other day. bourgeoisie b*&^h"). Nothing prevails give a pro poor budget and win her back ("Hmm it is politics that turns her on").

* Mahamanga's kahaani ghar ghar ki antics never worked because she did not think aloud like saas bahu vamps. I can't recall that serial in which some lady in a throaty, husky voice would should 'Nikkaa' at appearance of vamp. Mahamanga lacked the kilos of makeup too.

* Extended end fight which seemed like Dandiya Raas. The clichés should not be tampered with. No car chases? Have some horses some camels thrown around and you get clincher of a climax.

* Death in beloved arms: Let all the parties converge at single point and all wet complaints 'geele shikwe' get resolved. "Hum tumhe samajh na paye sumermal... Bhaisaaa..., jodhaaa...". But where was the melodrama? It should have been something like this:

J: "Bhaisa aap hume yun chhod ke nahi ja sakte"
J: "Keh dijiye ki ye jhooth hai. Ek bhadda mazaak"
J: "Aap tomato sauce laga ke aye hain, kahiye na"
S: "main ja raha hoon jodha..... jalaal jodha ka dhyan rakhiyega, bade nazon se pala hai ise"
S: "Dekh behna maine ab tak teri rakhi apni kalai main baandh rakhi hai apni Timex ke saath"

(Readers are requested to play a melancholic veena at the background when reading the above dialogues)

Overall I think Yuckbar should have done following additional to what Mr. Gowarikar made him do:

* Worn red ribbon to support the cause against AIDS
* Decriminalized homosexuality
* Brought Uniform civil code
* Issued decree to punish any one caught farting in public (it causes global warming jahaan panaa)