Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Let there be traffic lights

Vijay Sharma did it so should we, that is create a new God. Voltaire talked of necessity to invent God we Indians went ahead and created one using cinema. Jai Santoshi Ma might be the only instance in world cinema where a deity with new mythological stories was created and had such a popular following complete with rituals, rites etc.

Please do not mistake this post to be a proposal for 'Gulshan Kumar presents' movie or bhajan album with Anuradha Podwal . What I am looking for is to create a new God with newer powers. They say prehistoric man in awe of forces of nature used to find 'God' or a supreme being or power in phenomenon like rain, flood, lightening. Anthropomorphic forms came quite later to be followed by contract/faith based religion.

Coming exactly to the point I want to propose a new God (or Goddess to save me from woman empowerment devis) centered in the city of Banggalore (Bengaluru). He would be the God of Traffic - यातायातेश्वर (yaataayaateshwar) benevolence of without which no mortal can reach his destination by road! Yaataayaateshwar is a distant cousin of Yama, the God of Death. Yama incarnates as the mighty Yamaha (Oops was a secret code in another of Robert Langdon's adventure?) . He is also related to God of Time, the exact nature of which is known only to few scholars and researchers of Bangalore traffic vs time warps.

The guardian angles descend upon Earth in form of auto rickshaw drivers who plug themselves in every possible gap to ensure his wish is fulfilled. Unbeknown to them bike riders start riding on pavements because of his will. Traffic cops are the neo-Brahmins meditating at the nearest nukkad or pan shop discussing his divine providence amongst themselves away from the heathen unruly crowds. All that it takes is a few bucks for his blessings for drunken driving or driving without helmet, it is homage to him not a crime, those silly government babus what do they know. They call those green offering bribes!

Forget sava rupaye ka prasad or a trip to a shrine for this is an urban God who has no mercy for the meek. Rev up your engine and let your horns bark spouting paeans for him. Riders of Big or small vehicles, motor bike, car, scooty or even a 'mo-ped' do not bother, go ahead and sweat it out what are these governments to implement silly rules. If your faith in him is strong if your conviction is true then you shall prevail any skirmish or a battle when some non-believer tries to block your path all because of those three silly colored bulbs which are mere obstacles to test your faith.

So come on one and all and pay heed to the mighty यातायातेश्वर (yaataayaateshwar) and as Jim Morrison sang

Your hands upon the wheel.
Yeah, were going to the roadhouse,
Gonna have a real good-time.

Yeah, the back of the roadhouse,
Theyve got some bungalows.
Yeah, the back of the roadhouse,
Theyve got some bungalows.

They dance for the people
Who like to go down slow.

Let it roll, baby, roll.
Let it roll, baby, roll.
Let it roll, baby, roll.
Let it roll, all night long.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008


Q: What is common between Vladimir Nobokov and Shakti Kapoor?
A: Auuuuu Lolita!