Go with the flowchart

A true test of Chichi Lolo fans. Look at the flow chart and find out which Chichi, Lolo song is it about?

http://thequark.tumblr.com/post/197369317/go-with-the-flowchart

Hint: The movie was directed by David Dhawan :D

Finite State Morons

Ever wondered how Indian National Media pounds on an issue which requires serious discussions but instead it resorts to politician bashing and blaming the "system". Or worthless issues become breaking news and length debates are carried on for example Rakhi Sawant's wedding and Shashi Tharoor's tweet controversy. Here is how I see it:

http://thequark.tumblr.com/

कायावती को पत्र

प्रीय जगत बहन सुस्री कायावती,

आपकी माया और काया दोनों महान है | रक्षाबंधन का दिन आया और चला भी गया और आपके अनेक भैय्यों में किसी ने आपकी सुध भी न ली | यों तो इस पर्व पे बहने अपने भाइयों की सलामती की दुआएं मांगती हैं पर आपके सब भैय्ये इस दिन आपसे सलामती की दुआएं मांगते हैं | पूरा देश राखी के स्वयंवर में इतना मशगूल हुआ की आपके बारे में किसी ने न सोचा, आख़िर आपके लाल हाथों को पीला करना आपके भैय्यों का ही फ़र्ज़ बनता है| जगत कल्याण और शिलान्यास से आपको समय नही मिलता और इस बेदर्द दुनिया और जालिम समाज ने आपके 'मुलायम' दिल को कठोर बना दिया है जो आप अपने बारे में सोचना भूल गई| राखी के स्वयंवर के बाद भारतवर्ष को एक और सच का सामना करना चाहिए, कौन होगा वो बांका 'सुवर' जो हाथी पर सवार होकर आयेगा और बहन कायावती के चरण पकड़ के हाथ थाम लेगा? मैं माननीय टीवी चैनल वालों से आग्रह करता हूँ की एक और वास्तविकता शो बनाया जाए - "कौन बनेगा कायावती का पती"

आपका
क्वार्क

Brazil vs Nineteen Eighty Four

Recommendation from a friend and the tag dystopia prompted me to watch the movie, Brazil and it was worth every frame of it. People compare it a lot with Orwell's classic novel Nineteen Eighty Four but I beg to differ. Comparison of a movie and a novel is futile as both of them are completely different media of expression but nonetheless one can look at subjects and themes they delve in. If put a gun on my head I would any day say Nineteen Eighty Four is a far greater work than Brazil. How can I not choose a novel, after reading which I hated to wear my office badge!

The comparisons rely on a totalitarian, anonymous, unwieldy, inhumane bureaucratic system which plays a major role but not definitive role in Orwell's classic. Brazil gives one aspect of the anomalous system, burden of innocence where a bug (literally a bug) in the system sucks in the protagonist in an absurd whirlwind classifying him a terrorist. The notion of guilt reminds me of Kafka's The Trial but the two works are quite different as in guilt is much more emphasized and central in Kafka's work. Nineteen Eighty Four goes beyond a government system and paints a horrific picture of a perversion that seeps in every aspect of society. From a language which is being continuously "simplified" to remove all shades and ambiguities of a natural language to schizophrenic doublethink to abolition of family and orgasm, 1984 is an all engrossing quagmire of a system.

Brazil on another hand is an absurdist satire on a consumerist self obsessed society so disconnected to reality that after witnessing a terrorist bomb attack high society ladies still discuss their beauty treatment! Life in the world is a game of rules with individuals as pawns pushed and pulled by obscure forms. This where Brazil limits itself and probably Terry Gilliam would have added more depth if he had read the novel. Protagonists in Brazil unlike 1984 are neither too villanous nor heroic, they are just doing their jobs - playing by the rules or trying to get a way around them like Sam Lowry (contrast his intent of helping a loved one with defiance of Winston Smith of 1984 and you will get the idea)

Nonetheless Brazil stands as a brilliant piece of work in itself. The overpowering buildings remind me of Orson Welles rendition of Kafka's The Trial. Welles used geometrically aligned compositions in his frames to create an overpowering surrounding but both of them use behemoths, shadows to get that eerie feeling. Background score esp. Acquarela do Brasil (Watercolor of Brazil) is haunting but only discerning audience would find the relevance and meaning of the song in the movie and hence the title. The dream sequences are a visual treat and the climax uplifts the movie. Few users of IMDB term aspects of the movie as surreal but I won't beg to differ but simply differ. If you want surreal go watch Luis Buñuel (note: start with "Diary of a Chambermaid" his most accessible movie). The movie clearly demarcates the real from the imaginary so I won't classify it as surreal but absurd yes. Do watch the movie if especially if you like dystopia.

Aaja Nachle or Dirty dancing

Every one knows the story. Some quarters of society had objections over some words in lyrics related to cobbler and goldsmith. BMW (Bahan MayaWati) slapped a ban later to be revoked and some people accusing Mayawati for double standards (Aren't two better than one?)

An interesting part is how the Media analyzes an event and goes meta:
- Film gets banned
- Freedom of Speech
- Finer nuances of traditional professions and caste system in India

then in a separate thread:

- Madhuri's comeback (With oft repeated line: She never went away)
- Madhuri not fit for a comeback
- Theories for comebacks with data samples of Rekha, Kajol, Juhi etc.
- Controversy used to boost box office sale of the movie
- Controversy couldn't boost box office sale of the movie
- Theories of controversies increasing sales

With arguments, facts and theories buzzing around our head like a swarm of deadly bees, we missed a small point. Every day since past week I have listened to the song on Radio and not even a single byte from its lyrics are clipped. If representatives of people are so careful of popular sentiments then they should know a little bit of maths. Number of people listening to the words via Radio has to be much higher than cinema audience then why ban only on screening!

PS: A classic case of the meta nature of media is when media cribs about media!

Rakhi Savant and the League of Extraordinary Laydeej (to be read as Lay These)

In the societal sub consciousness (I lauv these heavy words) of Hindi Cinema (not Bollywood as I consider it denigrating epithet) many a leading ladies have left ever lasting impressions, those "sunehre parde ke chamakte sitare" and "lakhon ke dilon ki dhadkans". Like a neat NCERT history book the eons of Hindi cinema are divided amongst divas: Sridevi, Madhuri, Hema and other beautiful etceteras. Those were the days when a mangal sootra was a full stop in actress' reel life and one had to be politically correct in media. Some of the laydeej stood out without getting trapped in heroine-vamp cleave all the while exploring the twilight zone of amorality in principle and practice.

My attempt is to shift the limelight towards the not-so-politically-correct and in your face laydeej. Scandals, statements, hookups and sleaze are what they are associated with by popular perception and now so ubiquitous media. I won't backtrack too much down the memory lane. Few such laydeej come to my mind right now. Mamta Kulkarni, Pooja Bhatt, Mallika Sherawat and last but not least Rakhi Savant who gave her iconic statement at KJo's: "Jo bhagwaan nahi de sakta wo doctor deta hai". Surely there have been laydeej before this who had sizzled the screen with a lot of oomph (and aahs and ouches also) but to my mind these come to the fore.

Mamta Kulkarni started it all by kicking some [NSFW*] dirt in star dust [NSFW] cover. She drew the naree kalyan samaaj wommans towards entertainment industry. Antics off the stage were aplenty. Allegedly (not by vishwaniya sutr but allegedly) she was swimming in two piece bikini in a hotel's pool. When informed by manager that only single piece attires where allowed the laydee came up with an innovative solution. Which one of them should I take off Mr. Manager! (flutter flutter, wink wink). I miss this laydee for the entire hullabaloo she could raked up at the drop of a hat or other pieces of clothing. Be it 'zeher hai ki pyar hai tera chumma' with Akshay jhatka Kumar or checking her anatomy in mirror (Karan Arjun, remember Rakhi crying hoarse - 'Mere bete ayenge' in an infinite loop) she was considered archetype of debauchery in popular media. In a private function of Bihar legislators allegedly (again) the hosts played cards on her body laid on table (which game was it babua? Poke her?). Confrontation with Raj Kumar Santoshi in China Town was the last I heard of her before she went in oblivion. Incidentally the item song in the movie picturised on Urmila was used in Moulin Rogue! Any comments on her latest whereabouts would be deeply appreciated (Koi Jaye to Le Aye Meri Lakh Duayen Paye ...).

Pooja Bhatt had it all, looks to kill and cheap thrills plus a big daddy for home made videos (err movies). She made libertine out of women liberation. Her [NSFW] lip lock with daddy was not taken in the right taste by the righteous junta. No one could appreciate her penchant for . Somewhere she went out of all the attention to resurface for directorial debut in an erotica aptly named Jism. Though she was much derided for her 'bold' image she was never an outcast or denigrated like Mallika or Rakhi. The image of a wild child was brilliantly portrayed until Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility took over. The other Pooza, Bedi Bebi that is had her fair share of eyeballs with Kamasutra's nirodh condom. Who can forget the bubble gum popping femme fatale as Amir Khan's juvenile fantasy in Jo Jeeta Wahi Sikandar.

The void created by their departure seemed to be partially filled by few babes who fizzled out, became leading ladies or the cliched sex symbols. They could not manage the art of shock and awe. After Rangeela, all that we had of Urmila kapde-mat-od-kar were nervous twitches and horrendous facial contortions in intense scenes. Bipasha with her husky voice and dusky complexion took up the cause of fairer but not so fair sex. Her non committal statements with John and Dino Morea (is he the evolutionary march of Dino saurs? He too shall get eliminated in natural selection) has become common place and has found no takers. Caress-Mah Kapoor made tectonic shift from frilly skirts to minis. Her innings with Chhi-Chhi was shortlived.but she took her bow at the pinnacle of her career not before becoming too arty, farty. Malaikha Arora Khan with her lustrous thighs seems she invented the idea of item girls. Limiting her appearance she is smug with her hubby. Surely there were controversies, hookups, cat fights, breakups but they where all rumors by some arbit birdie twittering in tinsel town. No one endorsed the birdie so it became extinct.

Not until dare devil laydee from tau's Haryana - Mallika Sherawat came to foray with a bang, seventeen kisses and call-spade-a-spade attitude (Khwahish, I went to watch that despite being down with fever, pop goes the pill) and enough of sound bytes for every one to gorge. She took the horny bull of audience by the horns. No doubt news channels should give her some token of appreciation for all the business she generated. I distinctively remember Star News (which has become schizophrenic after NDTV left them) was showing arrival of a mysterious burqa clad woman amongst a bunch of stars in Mumbai airport. And the sheer brilliance of the correspondent who solved unveiled the secret. It was Mallika Sherawat, Voila! All of this on prime time slot amongst stories of cricket, terrorism, Soniye and Manmoniye.

Studio Pravakta: Kya kaaran thaa jo unko burqa pehen ke ana pada, jaisa ki aap humari footage main dekh sakte hain ki mallika ko ruphale parde pe anga pradarshan karne se koi parhej nahi hai phir wo kya waja thee jiske kaaran unko aisa kadam uthana pada.
(Screen shows umpteen shots of her in itsy bitsy teeny weeny clothes repeated ad nauseam). Aaj humare saath studio main Satpaal ji maujood hain.
Satpaal ji kya maanana hai apka
Iske peechee kiska haath ho sakta hai.

Satpal (A studio rat whose only exposure to sun is by gawking at weather forecast lady): Jee footage main to nazar nahi aa raha hai
par meri tammana to yahee hai ki inke peechhe mera haath hota!

Studio Pravakta: Errr, umm, uh uh uh.
Aap mallika ji ka ye gana dekhiye, milte hain break ke us paar.

Her detractors created much of slander against her. Having a degree in philosophy and being air hostess would have added much to her age they say. My dear friends I say you might have misled yourself. It would have been phallus-sophy or knowledge of the phallus! How hard is it to learn it for this amazon womman. After a lot of myth and mirth the queen bee seems to be letting her hair down for a while. There were some rumors about

And then there was Rakhi Savant. From court cases of indecency to stereotypical jokes by K-Jo’s pretentious fairy friends she had it all until she made the debut. People say she is not intelligent even when she has dual core silicone processors custom made for her (Did she get rid of it? What gigahertz was it running on?). Daring to speak her mind and raring to displaying her body of work (or work of body) she epitomizes chutzpah. The politically correct, convent bred brats and babes get flustered by her persona. Starting with item numbers she became a brand and industry. Mika (who claims Himass baba swept the nasal twang from under his nose) had a taste of limelight and an album all because of this laydee. Sony’s Bigg Boss had a blast because her jo-mere-man-main-hai-wahi-mere-moonh-main-hai attitude. Not to talk of dumb witted Great Indian Laughter Challenge contestants who have a human touch to canned laughter named Siddhu.

GuruUuUuU, billi sher ki mausi hai
Lucknow ke paas amausi hai

Har kaali peeli cheez taxi nahi hoti
Har item girl Rakhi si saxy nahi hoti!

(Please either read this really aloud or increase decibel level of your inner voice while silently reading this to get full effect)


*NSFW = Not Safe For Work

Medi-sin

"Our studies have shown drinking tea reduces the chances of heart diseases by 11.3%"

"A recent research has shown results that drinking tea with a lesser amount of milk leads to 16.8% chances of damage to the liver"

"Research has shown that people with pets have more chances of living longer"

Such obscure and confusing research where there is no mention of samples, methodology, reports etc leave readers in a quandary. Imagine people like me who are so weak in probability [The probability of a probability coming out more than 1 was quite high in my case].

Things get messier when statistics move from food to lifestyle. The results are not conclusive, often misleading and do not declare that they have been recommended by a professional doctor/practitioner. Increasingly the print media is moving towards such aimless pseudo-scientific banter ranging from health to even dating and etc. Giving tips on housekeeping and recipes was great but to giving an opinion regardless of the person whom it is intended for, her/his situation etc. is according to me unethical

My research has shown that having more birthdays is good for you, the more you have the longer you live!

Media

Well yes blame it on media and hype.

me·di·a

1.	a pl. of medium.

2.	(usually used with a plural verb) the means of communication, as radio and television, newspapers, and magazines, that reach or influence people widely: The media are covering the speech tonight.

–adjective

3.	pertaining to or concerned with such means: a job in media research.

(taken from dictionary.com)

Well nowadays media has gone super-meta. Media bashing is done in media itself. Talkshows, debates etc all heap invectives on media and how we are going the western paparazzi ways.

Well coming to the point it is related to our dear and old Sanzu baba - the apple of sore Indian movie watcher's eyes. Few days back surfing through TV I watched Times Now for few seconds. They where juxtaposing Mr. Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi with Mr. Sanjay Dutt (vald Sunil Dutt) on topics of Gandhigiri and getting jailed in the same Yerawada Jail, Pune. Everything under the broken sun was discussed his new tax free payroll of INR 7 per day to his career plan of promotion to INR 9 (errr or was it higher?!). It was only a minute after that that a second news item started bashing media over going gag over Mr. Dutt and ignoring fate of an innocent child being held in prison because his dad is incarcerated and the maternal grandparents are willing to accept it!