Avatar, Avtar, Bindiya and Collective Memory

Latest blockbuster from James Cameron has created vehement supporters and detractors and I am in no mood to put 10 things to love/hate the movie. There is a hilarious comparison of the plot with Hindi cinema's hackneyed exploitation and revenge stories, though the title of movie taken: Roopa ka Badla sounds more like exploitation,female revenge stories like Bindiya aur Bandook). Celebrated movie reviewer Roger Eberts who don't find novelty in the movie yet loved it. And then there is Great Bong (Random Thoughts of a Demented Mind) , one of very few people who can take dementia to an art form. He posits Avatar is just our beloved Kaka's (our Pusspa lover Rajesh Khanna sahib) classic Avtar with an extra 'a'. Something I totally agreed to.

I loved watching the movie, period. Obviously it had a totally unoriginal plot but Cameron's way of seeing things in the movie was what engaged me. Never for a moment did I wonder that I am watching an oft repeated story. This apart from the 3D experience did it for me.

After reading Ebert's view on rationality of the Na'vi one point in depiction of Pandora's culture intrigued me. That was depiction of collective memory. Conflict of development society vs tribal culture is obvious, if one has progress as its goal then other has harmony. If one has corporate as its collective then its community for the other. That many ancient cultures have ancestor reverence/worship is also nothing new in movies. The list to compare the two cultures is endless and have been depicted in numerous Hollywood flicks & Hindi cinema. The contrast of collective memory is shown subtly when trees are shown to be uprooted and it is claimed it will destroy ancient memory in them. I think this is an allusion to History vs Mythology. Myths and mythology are a form of collective memory where in each generation reinterprets and retells them in their own way thus adding (and even forgetting). Tribal/ancient cultures all over the world rely on mythologies to understand their past, origin and even future whereas development societies always have history to understand their past, science to understand origin and predict future, so in a sense Big Bang Theory and Theory of Evolution are indeed two mythologies.

History with its linear notion of time, textual culture (what is written is true, what is true should be written) and objective reality (what really happened) always conflicts with mythology which always has a jagged if not circular notion of time, oral culture (believe in whatever has been said since time immemorial), A small case in example would be controversy on Adam's Bridge or Rama Setu. People on mythology side had nothing else to claim than invoke the sacred whereas people who had to take sides with history questioned historical authenticity of Rama and the whole conversation went down to dogs.

Well I had hoped if Cameron could have delved more into this part rather than make a typical Hollywood grandeur story, where win/loss takes over delving into nature of things. And that is why I love Charlie Kaufman's movies.

Rocket in Pocket: Or why Rocket Singh Disappointed Me

Having heard excellent views from many fraands and movie reviewers I finally did watch Rocket Singh. I have been quite selective in watching new Hindi cinema releases these days. Gone are the days when I would visit Rajshree in Gandhinagar for the pure bliss known as Jani Dusman: Ek Anokhi Prem Katha or had stamina to watch Sonu Nigam's thriller suspense Love in Nepal. Gone are the days when I would eagerly go for a mind bending experience known as The Hero: Love Story of a spy or how to kill a man by plumbing a nuclear dravya filled test tube inside evil forener.

Rocket Singh was indeed a massive let down for me. First of all there was no Punjabi number with a healthy dose of Soniye, Manmoniye, Baliye, Mahiye sprinkled all over it. Seriously a movie with a Sardar protagonist and no Punjabi number! You gots to be kiddin me. No stereotypes! No making of tandoor-shandoor, lassi wassi or chak-de-phatte moments.

Secondly there were no grand speeches like Chak De India's 70 minutes (Hawww even Coelho Kaka takes 11 minutes). I mean there has to be a rousing speech by the hero about fate, destiny towards the end of which people get excited like a lynch mob and do the undoable, Baaliwood ishtyle.

Most importantly there was no revolutionary step taken by the hero like pissing on the carpet of enemy by devGUN like Halla Bol and no magical hugs by apun ka Sanju bawa (which has been the biggest factor in the spread of swine flu epidemic, FYI).

What kind of a movie it is when all the characters have a significant role! A hero has to stand out from rest of the crowd from area occupied on the screen to lines in the total script. Don't you think this kind of cinema is threatening. What shall happen of the likes of Johhny Catch-My-Lever, Anupam Kher, Tikku Talsania? Who shall do slapstick comedy or play small so hero could look big?

No plot diversions like the hero teleports to Swiss Vaadiyan, does a quickie dreamy song and comes back in a jiffy. Or better the frustrated hero decides to visit a bar where Payal Rohatgi or Mumait Khan is indulging in burlesque dancing of the highest order which has some deep rooted philosophy in it, like Aa khushi se khudkashi kar le, Love mera HIT HIT mat kar khitpit khitpit. Where would the item grlz go?

No back stories of revenge or past mishappenings? The grandfather dude was humiliated as a salesman in the past so he doesn't want his puttar to face the same fate. There you go fill another half an hour with Daddu's story.

I say Dhawans, KJos, Ghais should unite and raise their voices against such a pathetic movie. No one should be allowed even 100m close to the cinema playing it, it is dangerous for people's mind no! They could get easily weaned from all the junk that is being peddled around.

Shatranj ke Khilari (The Chess Players)

Based on Munshi Premchand's story of the same name this masterpiece from Satyajit Ray brilliantly depicts accession of the kingdom of Awadh by East India Company. Premise of the story is comparison of the accession to a game of chess. A game of chess is a war where troops are deployed, strategies are laid out but no lives are lost and no blood is shed. And so was the accession.

The movie goes beyond just a description of historical turn of events and shows the bafflement of the British with Indian ruling class. General Outram who has to oversee the annexation is ignorant of India and is venomously contemptuous of its culture and practices. He is amazed at debauchery of ruler of Awadh who dances with "bells in his feet like a nautch girl", "also dresses up like a Hindoo god" and has 400 concubines. And yet despite being so engrossed in worldly pleasures still is a pious man who prays five times a day. Patronage of singers, artists and performers and even indulgence of the rulers in these activities used to be a source of bemusement for East India Company officers for a long time.

General Outram's distaste and disinterest of Urdu poetry is not matched by Captain Weston (who else can play a indophile British with impeccable accent better than Tom Alter) whose mere presence dilutes the polarity of two cultures. The character shows not all Britishers were disdainful of Indian ways. It is a pity that despite Alter's histrionic skills and command in Hindi as well as Urdu he got the evil foreigner roles in numerous Indian movies.

The story is quite sympathetic towards Nawab Wajid Ali Shah, so sensitively portrayed by Amjad Khan that you can't believe he is the same guy who played the hideous dacoit Gabbar Singh in Sholay. On one hand he loves worldly things, songs, dances [a beautiful thumri choreographed by Shree Birju Maharaj], flies kites and yet he is a god fearing pious man. He acknowledges his shortcomings as a ruler yet is resentful of the British for dethroning him and having to give his crown to a mere General of East India Company. Despite his flaws he is loved by the masses and British know this so a violent takeover is out of question and here lies the key of the story, this is the point which makes annexation similar to a game of chess.

The movie juxtaposes the power play of aristocrats with life of two nabobs, portrayed by Saeed Jaffrey and Sanjeev Kumar, who are avid players of chess. The noblemen get so engrossed in their game of chess that they forget responsibilities, neglect their households and even start playing chess near their lawyer's death bed in the pretense of visiting him!The two have inherited their wealth and status by inheritance due to bravery of their ancestors. Though they boast of courage yet they escape to a nearby village for a game of chess towards the end when rumors of annexation are rife.

The intricacies of the game of chess also highlight cultural differences between Indian subcontinent and the British. Any chess enthusiast from South Asian subcontinent would (should) know there are vernacular versions of the game in terms of placement and movement of chess pieces. The queen in formal, international (and British here) version is called a Vazir (minister to the ruler) in Indian version. This fact is highlighted at the end after the British armies march peacefully to take over Awadth one of the nabobs claim that the time of Vazir is gone and now its time for the queen to rule. And the ultimate difference between the two ways? Well the English way is faster, which is a take on rapid industrialization brought by British.

Other noticeable performances are from Shabana Azmi as wife of Mirza Sajjad Ali (Sanjeev Kumar) and Victor Bannerjee as the Prime Minister of Wajid Ali Shah. Victor Bannerjee doesn't has a long screen presence but he just captures the moments without even speaking, notice his expressions during the thumri and you will get something ugly is going to come.

Art direction gives really transports you to the that era and Musical score though is used so well throughout yet stands brilliantly at some places like when the two Mirza play chess in lawyer's house or at the starting.

Some of my favourite moments:

The starting scene has two nabobs playing chess and there is a black background but the beauty of this comes to the fore when Mirza Sajjad Ali's servant emerges from the darkness for hukka refill thats when role of the background comes into play, depicting how there is nothing other than chess in their universe. The same technique is used for Wajid Ali Shah's introduction too.

The use of animation and Amitabh Bachchan's narration in his rich baritone sets the mood and places the story in right context which shows narrative capabilities of Satyajit Ray.

Such is the madness of the chess players that when Sajjad Ali's wife steals the chess pieces they use vegetables in place of the pieces!

Wajid Ali Shah resigning to his fate by reciting 'Jab chhod chale Lakhnou nagari...'

Here are some of Wajid Ali Shah's words:

सदमा ना पहुंचे कोई मेरे जिस्म-ऐ-ज़ार पर
अहिस्ता फूल डालना मेरी मजार पर

हर चंद ख़ाक में था मगर ता फलक गया
धोखा है आसमान का मेरे गुबार पर

Wound not my bleeding body,
Throw flowers gently on my grave,
Though mingled with the earth,
I rose up to the skies,
People mistook my rising dust for the heavens

Welcome to Sajjanpur

In the world of crappy movies with double entendre and slap stick humor comes a breezy delight by the master craftsman Shyam Benegal. The ease at which he embeds the social message without messing with the story is awesome. Take for example when Kamla Kumharin informs Mahadev of her father's superstitious belief about getting epilepsy fits because of going to school you can clearly see the message but there is no protagonist here who metaphorically comes out of the screen and raises an important issue for other actors as well as audience to answer. To exemplify we have numerous examples of heroes giving lectures on kanoon, insaaf, samaaj, police etc, in court, in a crowd, police station where the movie veers from a narrative, a story towards a Charkha Dutt types one sided debate. The characters and there world strictly remain inside the screen in a world of there own. (I have this grouse with many of the movies that I liked e.g. RDB, Munnabhai series and ). To me it seems like breaking the fourth wall in a figurative way of speaking which has been used quite often in Hindi cinema. Other plagues like caste based politics, arm twisting of the law and goonda raj are also shown in a not so heavy manner.

The moment you feel there is nothing new happening in the world, the director zooms you out of the frame and you find you where embedded in a narrative. The comedy is subtle there is no Rajpal Yadav or Johnny Lever for you, though Johnny has a class of his own, a hackneyed one though. All the actors did awesome acting, at no time did I feel I was watching a petite Amrita Rao or Shreyas Talpade, it was Kamla Kumharin's and Mahadev's world I was peeking in to.

The protagonists are themselves not the innocent villagers - mehnati kisan, godhooli ki vela, ganv ki gori such stereotypes are kept out at bay . The shade of greys in Mahadev's characters are awesome, Kamla's role needed more dimensions as most of her role was reactive putting the onus on Shreyas.

The character and story of eunuch Munni is hilarious, bawdry yet grounded in reality and leaves an indelible mark on audiences mind. It is her/his/her/his quips at embarrassed Mahadev that steals the scenes. Do watch it with your friends and family :)

In Munni's own words: "Tikke ne khoob kiya, chaukke ne khoob kiya are panje ne khoob kiya, ki ayi ab munni ki baari"

Dil - The Mighty Heart

A careful observation and the secret for usage of the culinary reference 'Masala' to Indian Hindi cinema will unravel in front of your eyes like Mallicka Sherawat's dance sequence. The movie in question is archetype of 80s-90s Hindi cinema. DIL


"Ek chatak matak heroine le, usme jawani ka tadka laga de. Hero ka stud max hona zaroori hai. 2-4 tadakte bhadakte girl vs. boy college songs. Ab in dono ko pyar ke tel main garam hone ke liye dheemi aanch pe daal de. Jaise hi jawani, diwani, rawani halka laal rang pakad le, do dushman bapon ka tadka laga de. Aur haan isme side kicks, mimickry artist aur ugly ducklings swadanusar (according to taste) daal sakte hain. Tadka jor marte hi oopar se haalaat ki mirchi aur misunderstanding ka zeera chhidak de aur apki masala movie tayyar. Ek cheepad se theatre main serve kare aur dosto ya parivar ke saath enjwaayi kare"

The movie had all the essential elements of a 80s-90s hit. College boys with white 'campus' shoes. Girls in frilly frocks with puffed shouldered, boring harrowed professors teaching Ohm's law in big lecture theaters and yay Disco Dancing. The fathers (many a times pink with rage Saeed Jaffrey), never agreed with their siblings choice of soulmate and the leading couple had to rebel, that was until SRK wooed the entire family in DDLJ.

The depth in lyrics is hard to ignore. I am sure Raja (Amir) was studying biology by the way he described Madhu (Madhur Dickshit): khamba, patakhe ki ladi, shola, fuljhadi. He even delved in bioelectrical properties by giving Madhu's voltage characteristics! Watch for the moves in the song for a full body exercise with special emphasis for pot bellied uncles and aunties. Why go to VLCC and these health spas. Plug in Dil and move from six pack flabs to six pack abs.



Long before health tabloids discussed links between sleep disorder and heart problems our desi hero had described in beautiful verses (video link):

I don't get sleep, I don't get sleep, I don't get sleep

Someone go, find it and bring it
I don't know where my heart got lost
What my condition is, how can I tell you
Tossing and turning, I pass the night

Ask me, ask what my condition is
My condition is weak
No one can understand what ailment is affecting me
Someone go, find it and bring it

Oh heavens, what pain I have
The pain is very merciless
Sometimes it makes me laugh, sometimes it makes me cry

I don't get sleep, I don't get sleep, I don't get sleep
I don't get rest, I don't get rest, I don't get rest

Other highlights of the movie (for sake of brevity in bullets):

• Definition of rape given by AK to MD. Something in which Indra delved in 'Ishq'
  
• Tribute to Dev Anand by Kishore Anand Bhanushali. This was his debut movie. Read this too
  
• Holding on to one's samskara. After winning a bout of boxing match against Ajitesh Irani. According to bet, AK had to kiss MD. After a tense moment, he shrugs her and say:

"Bachpan main mujhe sikhaya gaya thha ki airi gairi cheezon ko moonh nahi lagate!"

Random Trivia:

Ajitesh (Shakti the boxer in Dil) played her son on screen in Beta. His full name is Ajitesh Kumar Irani. Aruna and Indra Kumar are siblings.

Babloo mukherjee is son of Hindi cinema's best drunkard ever, the surname says it all: Keshto Mukherjee. And no Sushmita Mukherjee (Kitty, from TeleSerial Karamchand) is not KM's daughter

Another junior artiste, a college friend of Amir, appeared in KrackJack ad with Boman Irani as Krack and Jack.

Indra Kumar has a penchant of keeping one word movie names: Dhamaal, Masti, Mann, Ishq, Raja, Beta except for one 'Pyare Mohan'

(You might ask why the blog title: Dil - The Mighty Heart? Read Aam (the Common)

Aaja Nachle or Dirty dancing

Every one knows the story. Some quarters of society had objections over some words in lyrics related to cobbler and goldsmith. BMW (Bahan MayaWati) slapped a ban later to be revoked and some people accusing Mayawati for double standards (Aren't two better than one?)

An interesting part is how the Media analyzes an event and goes meta:
- Film gets banned
- Freedom of Speech
- Finer nuances of traditional professions and caste system in India

then in a separate thread:

- Madhuri's comeback (With oft repeated line: She never went away)
- Madhuri not fit for a comeback
- Theories for comebacks with data samples of Rekha, Kajol, Juhi etc.
- Controversy used to boost box office sale of the movie
- Controversy couldn't boost box office sale of the movie
- Theories of controversies increasing sales

With arguments, facts and theories buzzing around our head like a swarm of deadly bees, we missed a small point. Every day since past week I have listened to the song on Radio and not even a single byte from its lyrics are clipped. If representatives of people are so careful of popular sentiments then they should know a little bit of maths. Number of people listening to the words via Radio has to be much higher than cinema audience then why ban only on screening!

PS: A classic case of the meta nature of media is when media cribs about media!

Rakhi Savant and the League of Extraordinary Laydeej (to be read as Lay These)

In the societal sub consciousness (I lauv these heavy words) of Hindi Cinema (not Bollywood as I consider it denigrating epithet) many a leading ladies have left ever lasting impressions, those "sunehre parde ke chamakte sitare" and "lakhon ke dilon ki dhadkans". Like a neat NCERT history book the eons of Hindi cinema are divided amongst divas: Sridevi, Madhuri, Hema and other beautiful etceteras. Those were the days when a mangal sootra was a full stop in actress' reel life and one had to be politically correct in media. Some of the laydeej stood out without getting trapped in heroine-vamp cleave all the while exploring the twilight zone of amorality in principle and practice.

My attempt is to shift the limelight towards the not-so-politically-correct and in your face laydeej. Scandals, statements, hookups and sleaze are what they are associated with by popular perception and now so ubiquitous media. I won't backtrack too much down the memory lane. Few such laydeej come to my mind right now. Mamta Kulkarni, Pooja Bhatt, Mallika Sherawat and last but not least Rakhi Savant who gave her iconic statement at KJo's: "Jo bhagwaan nahi de sakta wo doctor deta hai". Surely there have been laydeej before this who had sizzled the screen with a lot of oomph (and aahs and ouches also) but to my mind these come to the fore.

Mamta Kulkarni started it all by kicking some [NSFW*] dirt in star dust [NSFW] cover. She drew the naree kalyan samaaj wommans towards entertainment industry. Antics off the stage were aplenty. Allegedly (not by vishwaniya sutr but allegedly) she was swimming in two piece bikini in a hotel's pool. When informed by manager that only single piece attires where allowed the laydee came up with an innovative solution. Which one of them should I take off Mr. Manager! (flutter flutter, wink wink). I miss this laydee for the entire hullabaloo she could raked up at the drop of a hat or other pieces of clothing. Be it 'zeher hai ki pyar hai tera chumma' with Akshay jhatka Kumar or checking her anatomy in mirror (Karan Arjun, remember Rakhi crying hoarse - 'Mere bete ayenge' in an infinite loop) she was considered archetype of debauchery in popular media. In a private function of Bihar legislators allegedly (again) the hosts played cards on her body laid on table (which game was it babua? Poke her?). Confrontation with Raj Kumar Santoshi in China Town was the last I heard of her before she went in oblivion. Incidentally the item song in the movie picturised on Urmila was used in Moulin Rogue! Any comments on her latest whereabouts would be deeply appreciated (Koi Jaye to Le Aye Meri Lakh Duayen Paye ...).

Pooja Bhatt had it all, looks to kill and cheap thrills plus a big daddy for home made videos (err movies). She made libertine out of women liberation. Her [NSFW] lip lock with daddy was not taken in the right taste by the righteous junta. No one could appreciate her penchant for . Somewhere she went out of all the attention to resurface for directorial debut in an erotica aptly named Jism. Though she was much derided for her 'bold' image she was never an outcast or denigrated like Mallika or Rakhi. The image of a wild child was brilliantly portrayed until Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility took over. The other Pooza, Bedi Bebi that is had her fair share of eyeballs with Kamasutra's nirodh condom. Who can forget the bubble gum popping femme fatale as Amir Khan's juvenile fantasy in Jo Jeeta Wahi Sikandar.

The void created by their departure seemed to be partially filled by few babes who fizzled out, became leading ladies or the cliched sex symbols. They could not manage the art of shock and awe. After Rangeela, all that we had of Urmila kapde-mat-od-kar were nervous twitches and horrendous facial contortions in intense scenes. Bipasha with her husky voice and dusky complexion took up the cause of fairer but not so fair sex. Her non committal statements with John and Dino Morea (is he the evolutionary march of Dino saurs? He too shall get eliminated in natural selection) has become common place and has found no takers. Caress-Mah Kapoor made tectonic shift from frilly skirts to minis. Her innings with Chhi-Chhi was shortlived.but she took her bow at the pinnacle of her career not before becoming too arty, farty. Malaikha Arora Khan with her lustrous thighs seems she invented the idea of item girls. Limiting her appearance she is smug with her hubby. Surely there were controversies, hookups, cat fights, breakups but they where all rumors by some arbit birdie twittering in tinsel town. No one endorsed the birdie so it became extinct.

Not until dare devil laydee from tau's Haryana - Mallika Sherawat came to foray with a bang, seventeen kisses and call-spade-a-spade attitude (Khwahish, I went to watch that despite being down with fever, pop goes the pill) and enough of sound bytes for every one to gorge. She took the horny bull of audience by the horns. No doubt news channels should give her some token of appreciation for all the business she generated. I distinctively remember Star News (which has become schizophrenic after NDTV left them) was showing arrival of a mysterious burqa clad woman amongst a bunch of stars in Mumbai airport. And the sheer brilliance of the correspondent who solved unveiled the secret. It was Mallika Sherawat, Voila! All of this on prime time slot amongst stories of cricket, terrorism, Soniye and Manmoniye.

Studio Pravakta: Kya kaaran thaa jo unko burqa pehen ke ana pada, jaisa ki aap humari footage main dekh sakte hain ki mallika ko ruphale parde pe anga pradarshan karne se koi parhej nahi hai phir wo kya waja thee jiske kaaran unko aisa kadam uthana pada.
(Screen shows umpteen shots of her in itsy bitsy teeny weeny clothes repeated ad nauseam). Aaj humare saath studio main Satpaal ji maujood hain.
Satpaal ji kya maanana hai apka
Iske peechee kiska haath ho sakta hai.

Satpal (A studio rat whose only exposure to sun is by gawking at weather forecast lady): Jee footage main to nazar nahi aa raha hai
par meri tammana to yahee hai ki inke peechhe mera haath hota!

Studio Pravakta: Errr, umm, uh uh uh.
Aap mallika ji ka ye gana dekhiye, milte hain break ke us paar.

Her detractors created much of slander against her. Having a degree in philosophy and being air hostess would have added much to her age they say. My dear friends I say you might have misled yourself. It would have been phallus-sophy or knowledge of the phallus! How hard is it to learn it for this amazon womman. After a lot of myth and mirth the queen bee seems to be letting her hair down for a while. There were some rumors about

And then there was Rakhi Savant. From court cases of indecency to stereotypical jokes by K-Jo’s pretentious fairy friends she had it all until she made the debut. People say she is not intelligent even when she has dual core silicone processors custom made for her (Did she get rid of it? What gigahertz was it running on?). Daring to speak her mind and raring to displaying her body of work (or work of body) she epitomizes chutzpah. The politically correct, convent bred brats and babes get flustered by her persona. Starting with item numbers she became a brand and industry. Mika (who claims Himass baba swept the nasal twang from under his nose) had a taste of limelight and an album all because of this laydee. Sony’s Bigg Boss had a blast because her jo-mere-man-main-hai-wahi-mere-moonh-main-hai attitude. Not to talk of dumb witted Great Indian Laughter Challenge contestants who have a human touch to canned laughter named Siddhu.

GuruUuUuU, billi sher ki mausi hai
Lucknow ke paas amausi hai

Har kaali peeli cheez taxi nahi hoti
Har item girl Rakhi si saxy nahi hoti!

(Please either read this really aloud or increase decibel level of your inner voice while silently reading this to get full effect)


*NSFW = Not Safe For Work

Lyrix

Now this was outrageously cheesy, campy and tending towards kitsch. People must have seen the latest promos of Farah Khan's film Om Shanti Om, her ode to bygone cinema era. I really can't believe Javed Akhtar has written these lines for the song - Dard-e-Disco.

Now what is that supposed to mean. SRK worked out so much for his abs and puny torso that he broke a bone or two while disco-ing? The initial lines are the stuff usual words and constructs Hindi cinema lyrics (not Bollywood it is a denegrating word) are made of. And there are some good Urdu words thrown in. The hackneyed lines make me remember the brilliantly humorous movie Chashme-Buddoor (starring suave Farukh Sheikh, girl next door - Deepti Naval and a host of other likable characters). It had a great take on the typical song and dance routine in Hindi cinema. The song went like: Chham chham Payal, kaise ho paagal and all the inane stuff that rhymes.

Coming back to Om Shanti Om. The song took me by surprise after listening to lyrics the recent dud movie - Cash where a despo Shilpa Shetty look alike (errr or is she her sis) cries out for her MindBlowing Mahia! (Aaj Tak watchers was there any hidden connection between her and Mahendra Mahia Singh Dhoni?). She did a hell of Job to Blow [Blowing Minds you dirty minds!]

I never expected this from Javed Akhtar. Probably it was some else who screwed and made the singers sing it, probably it was some underworld don who made them do it instead of extortion to get pure kicks out of the whole meaninglessness of it.

Or does he suffer from multiple lyricist disorder! He has a Sameer residing in him! Or just like Aks (Amitabh Bachchan, Manoj Bajpai, Nandita Das) Sameer enters his body and makes him write these lines to vamoose into thin air leaving even him agape.